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Should a Man Be Taller than his Wife or Girlfriend ?

Should a Man be taller than his wife or girlfriend ?
I was going to do something about this before in reference to French President Sarkosy and Carla Bruni but never quite got round to it.
A new picture I saw today of Supermodel Sophie Dahl and (alleged) singer Jamie Cullum solidified what I think is an interesting question

Of course a lot of people will say that it simply does not matter and technically of course it does not - but in reality I believe it does.
Sophie Dahl and Jamie CullumThe strange thing is that, in my experience, the only people who have a problem are those it concerns !
We’ve looked at Short Man Syndrome before but this, whilst connected, is different. The picture on the left highlights the issue we’re looking at now.

The poster couple for the overshadowed husband or boyfriend used to be Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman but a mixture of divorce and time have made them old news - now it the French President Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife Carla Bruni.
Sarkozy, perfect for The Napoleon Syndrome, could not be a better example of this.

He is one of the most powerful men in the world, he is wealthy and married to an impossibly beautiful former supermodel !
How much more could any man want ?
The thing is it’s not enough for him - despite all that he feels the need to wear shoes with built up heels and to stand on a box when giving a speech after Obama !
Clearly it is a problem more in his mind rather than other people’s minds

I’ve spoken to a few girls before about what they thought of having a husband, partner or boyfriend that was shorter than them and not one of them liked the idea !
It wasn’t necessarily a deal breaker if the right man came along but in principal they didn’t like it !
That being so, it’s a dead cert that men don’t want to be shorter than their partners !
Ergo, it must actually matter by definition.

The whole thing is clearly something pre programmed inside us, here comes my caveman theory again, going back 1000s of years. Whatever changes have happened in our modern world some things must simply be hard wired inside our psyche.

I honestly don’t think it matters that Jamie Cullum is shorter that Sophie Dahl, really I don’t - however. . .
Looking at that picture, to me it just looks wrong.
And whatever either one of them may say about it I bet both wish he was a bit taller than her !

This also brings up the question of women’s shoes - how do men feel if they are more or less the same size but when they go out the women sticks on stilettos and bingo - she’s taller ?

To get real answers you also need real honesty as well. Women concerned are most likely to say it doesn’t matter as are the men.
Women unaffected may happily say “it wouldn’t bother me” if questioned but, even subconsciously, it probably would - the first hurdle of attraction may not even be scaled.

So does it matter if the women is taller than her man
It shouldn’t, but I think it does - at least one party, if not both, will be unhappy about it, therefore it clearly must matter.
Am I Right or Am I Wrong ?

Six Foot Twoingly Yours


  1. Witches of Eastwick said,

    June 16, 2009 @ 10:06 am


    It must be galling for some that short men can attract such tall gorgeous women proving perhaps that some aspects of their character outrank height. You have chosen famous individuals to demonstrate your point and we all know that money and power outrank just about everything…. but what of the ordinary guy and his taller girlfriend? They know they may look different to the norm…. wishing you were taller is a waste of time, just get on with life, that’s what must be going through their minds surely? You say it matters that the man is shorter but you don’t say why… just that it looks wrong is not enough. For the record, most shorter people in general probably wish they were taller in a practical way… sometimes clothes hang better etc., but neither issue affects the rules of attraction for those concerned. Caveman instincts might lean towards protection and control but those instincts belong in the stoneage on the whole, leaving women free to choose who ever they want regardless of height. If the only thing a couple is unhappy about is that one of them is shorter than they would ideally wish, some might say that’s not too bad.

    Obviously Sophie hasn’t had the pleasure of meeting you (isn’t life full of bitter disappointment :) ) and that’s why she’s with Jamie… fear not though, so you don’t feel left out we’ve arranged for you to have a hot date with Serena Williams :) Frankly we don’t fancy your chances at feeling dominant but her wealth will undoubtedly over come this small issue.


    p.s. Rod, playing the piano and stooping will not help…. just so you know :)

  2. Rod said,

    June 16, 2009 @ 11:35 am

    short men can attract such tall gorgeous women
    In real life they don’t generally ! If he worked in a shop she woldn’t look twice at him.
    Do you think Nicole Kidman would have gone out with Cruise if he was a car mechanic ?
    Looking around you very rarely see the situation in ‘real life’

    I say it matters be reason of elimination. Carla Bruni says it hurts her deeply when people mention her husbands lack of stature - I would say he draws attention to this himself by wearing stack heeled shoes and standing on boxes - in reality he cares about it more than anybody else !

    I thought the idea of safety and protection was a given so I didn’t mention it other than obviously being encompassed in The Caveman Theory which which still holds good today - I beg to differ on that one.

    Obviously Sophie hasn’t had the pleasure of meeting you
    Thank goodness, did you see her before she lost the weight !
    Put a ring on that finger and you’ll be having it resized in 6 months :)


  3. Witches of Eastwick said,

    June 16, 2009 @ 7:26 pm


    Every now and again I see a taller woman with a shorter man walking down the high street…. yes it’s unusual but vivre la difference! Thankfully this plight is unlikely to ever affect you or the Coven dwellers… hark, is that the sound of relief uttered from the ranks of amazon women and very short men? :)

    The Witches have no time for men short of wit…. we really must ask Daniel Craig whether he has any before we leap ahead and book a mini weekend break :) All the women we know have great wit so fortunately there’s always some in the bank for when they’re driven to their wits end by men, global events and bad hair days :) Well, that’s about the long and the short of it from Coven HQ for now…. time for a tall Pimms!


  4. Femme Fatale said,

    June 16, 2009 @ 11:51 pm


    It should not matter who is the tallest,

    but I am sorry to say, they look ridiculous, he looks like a little boy :? :


  5. Rod said,

    June 17, 2009 @ 8:06 am

    that sums it up perfectly, thank you !
    It shouldn’t matter in a modern world, he hardly has to go out hunting and come back with a wild boar on his shoulders but . . .

    You’ve hit the nail on the head FF

  6. juli said,

    June 21, 2009 @ 11:35 am

    I really don’t understand why it matters. Is it not just that we notice because it is out of the ordinary, as generally men are taller than women on average?

  7. Rod said,

    June 21, 2009 @ 11:51 am

    it is out of the ordinary and as you rightly say that does make it stand out.
    Good point that as men tend tobe taller than women that ratio, statistically, should be repeated in couples.
    I would suggest it is more out of the ordinary that the stats for average heights would suggest.

  8. zena said,

    June 25, 2009 @ 4:58 am

    I agree with you. That pic is painful to look at.
    I am in a relationship with a man about my height and although i am content and he is nice i always with that he was a little taller than i am. Modern or non modern world the man still needs to at least give the impression that he can carry me through the threshold and not be carried in. :( .

  9. juli said,

    June 27, 2009 @ 7:31 pm

    As for more out of the ordinary than stats would suggest, I suspect that depends on whether you add in the problem that you started to mention…ladies shoes. It’s all down to male paranoia though.

    I did once have a boyfriend who was the same height as me, he developed a huge paranoia very quickly about me wearing shoes with heels. Needless to say the relationship didn’t last long, although I should point out that we were only 15 at the time, so would have expceted it to go the way teen romances usually do anyway. But his paranoia certainly didn’t help!

    Incidentally I did discover via a friend not so long ago that he’s now engaged to someone we went to school with, and first thought that crossed my mind when I heard was ‘’at least she’s smaller than him!'’ as his fiancee is only 5′0″!

  10. Rod said,

    June 27, 2009 @ 7:39 pm

    it’s always great to her the perspective from the other sex - very interesting.
    You make a very interesting point about “male paranoia”

    It makes me think that whilst I do believe a woman would ideally want her man to be taller . . .
    It’s a bigger issue for the guy if he is shorter !

    As to the heels, remember Nicole Kidman when asked how she was coping with her break up from Tom Cruise
    “It’s great ! I can wear heels again ”


  11. Bryan Lansbury said,

    July 16, 2009 @ 2:15 pm

    I suppose alot of woman would like their man to be taller than them but it isnt always the way.I am married to a blinding woman she is 5′7 and i am 5′0.It was just by chance that we got together,obviously she was in 2 minds about us saying she was worried what her dad thought about me.When i first turned up to meet her family i made a good impression to the family.I was introduced to her dad first who was a strapping man over 6′0 tall her mum was 5′9.Denise also had a sister who was 5′6 and her brother who was also over 6′0.We all got on well and chatted for ages.Denise was just finishing off getting ready when she came down she had her shoes on and for a shock to me she was even taller she was 5′10.Her dad said to her havent you got any lower shoes give the guy a chance.She said sadly this was the lowest she could find.We dated for 2 years before getting married,the wedding pics were quite funny has she turned up wearing her high heeled shoes she was nearly a foot taller.The photographer said that he was having trouble getting me in the picture with my wife.She decided to take her shoes off and the pics were taken.Seeing has the tallest member of my family was only 5′5 we all looked relatively short against Denises family.We now have 2 sons and a daughter all fully grown adults,sadly for my sons they have been given my height gene and Noah who is 4′10 and Simon who is 5′2 and younger than Noah.Our daughter is now 25 and she is 5′9, i usually saw for a laugh how she comes in handy for reaching things for us.Simon as a fiery temper and loses his temper alot when people ask silly questions about why his sister and brother are taller and he is the oldest.It isnt too bad now but he used to get rather annoyed about it especially when he was at school.He was also forever tormenting Simon while they were growing up till Simon outgrew him.So i dont think that height is much meaning it is down to the woman who she likes.

  12. Carly Sweeney said,

    July 16, 2009 @ 2:26 pm

    I dont think that height really matters there is alot more things to worry about than their guy being taller than them.I am with a wonderful man who is 5′5 me i am 5′2 so when i wear shoes i am his height which suits me.I know i am shorter than average height and so is Jason but we think we are well suited.When we are indoors with slippers on i can nestle my head on his shoulder rather than in some guys chest if they are over 6′0.I have been with tall guys it doesnt work for me i like a short guy.We have 1 thing in common and that is we are the shortest in our family.All the rest of my family are pretty average height and Jason’s family are no taller than 5′7.We have a daughter who is also under height for her age which i blame myself as she is such a sensitive girl she has just turned 14 and she is only 4′9 tall.I cant see her growing much more has she has been this short for quite a while.I would have loved for her to be at leat 5′0.Her brother who is 12 is also short he is just slightly taller than his sister.He is really worried by his lack of height has all his friends are over 5′0.When we buy clothes for them they all have to be altered has they want clothes their ages but they are too long.So dont let height bother you weather the guy is too short or too tall..

  13. Rod said,

    July 16, 2009 @ 3:47 pm

    Hi Bryan
    thanks for the great comment and welcome to the site - hope you’ll return
    All the best

  14. Rod said,

    July 16, 2009 @ 3:54 pm

    Hi Carly,
    great comment and wise words

    I am with a wonderful man
    You can’t ask for much more than that !

    Thanks again for commenting Carly and welcome to the site

  15. PrincessConsuela said,

    July 22, 2009 @ 2:40 pm

    I tower over my boyfriend of four years and he really doesn’t have a problem with it. My only problem is what people think about it. Do they laugh when they see us together or are they shocked? I always have this feeling that people think i’m dominant and over bearing because i am taller than him and retrospectively, that he is weak and effeminate. This is all that bothers me…people jumping to conclusions based on other people’s height.
    My issues stem somewhat from my childhood…my height was a big issue for everyone; family (i’m taller than my father and older brother), friends, teachers. even strangers would point out to my mum “Gosh, isn’t she tall, she should be a ” and this is my problem. I’ve always felt ‘unfeminine’ as a result of my height and the fact that i have a boyfriend who is shorter than me has only heightened this. I still wouldn’t change him for the World though.
    I do not wish i was smaller. I do not wish he were taller. I wish i was confident enought not to care what other peoples perceptions of me are.

  16. Rod said,

    July 22, 2009 @ 5:38 pm

    Hi Princess C
    thanks for a very interesting and worthwhile comment - very much appreciated.
    I think it’s great that you’re happy - nothing else matters - least of all this size nonsense..
    It’s interesting that as a society we judge and presume all sorts of things but ultimately what for in most cases ?

    The height differential is something always mentioned when it applies to well-known couples and most people conform to the belief that a man should be taller - but who really cares ?

    Because people comment does not mean that comment has value or purpose.
    Acres of newsprint have been taken up with the height of the French President but does anybody on the street care a jot or do they even mention it - I would say no !

    Thanks again for the great comment PC - welcome to the site and I hope you’ll return
    All the best

  17. max said,

    August 16, 2009 @ 2:02 pm

    Great topic of discussion and one i have found intriguing for some years.

    I have always been fond of the taller woman, but that doesnt mean i wouldnt date a shorter lady if i felt everything else was right. Dont know why women would think otherwise the other way round? Its like saying tall men should only date taller ladies.

    Also disagree with the theory that the taller a lady is, the more dominant they are. The same way we have short man syndrome, there is a short women syndrome, where the more petite the lady, the more she feels to feel to exert her dominance.

    I did once date a woman significantly taller who was dominant, but this wasnt an issue until she decided it would be fun, on the encouragement of her rather drunk friends, to show them who was the boss! A rather embarrasing story followed which i can now laugh about, but that was (un)fortunately the end of our relationship.

    Point is that taller women are only dominant if they choose to be. Otherwise they’ll be as petite and feminine as the man makes them feel

    And yes, Jamie and Sophie look silly in the picture above, but if you were Jamie (or perhaps even Sophie), would you care how stupid other people thought you looked, as long as you’re happy?

  18. Rod said,

    August 16, 2009 @ 7:53 pm

    Hi Max,
    thanks for the interesting comment and welcome to the site - hope you’ll return.
    The whole topic is one I find very interesting - possibly because, being tall, it’s one that’s rarely crossed my mind.
    Whilst I think the couple in the picture look, shall we say, ‘odd’ or ‘mismatched’ I don’t personally see why it should matter.

    The question is why it does seem to be an issue - is it because we have the clichéd norm driven into us by society or is it deeper rooted - possibly going back to Neanderthal times and my caveman theory.

    Your last 5 words are, in reality, the only ones that really matter
    All the best

  19. Red Dress said,

    August 20, 2009 @ 4:30 am

    Should races stay with the same race? Should people who speak the different languages not be together? About 50 or so years ago much of this was the norm. I think that the photo looks ridiculous to people now, because we are used to thinking patriarchally. This type of discussion will help to dispel this misconception.

    Having said that, I personally think the photo makes them looks ridiculous, but not because of their height difference…but because they really look so uncomfortable together.

  20. Rod said,

    August 20, 2009 @ 11:59 am

    Hi Red Dress,
    thanks for the comment and welcome to the site.
    I suspect we are ‘conditioned’ and judge things by what we generally see and what we’re used to - things that fall outside that which we mostly see are then, by definition, different.

    You do make a good point about the way they look in your last sentence - I would agree with you
    All the best

  21. Paul Reede said,

    September 2, 2009 @ 8:07 pm

    I wouldnt take too much notice of women not wanting a short man.I am 45 and i am 4′10 my wife is 5′9.At first it took a while to convince her to give it a chance.Apparently alot of her family and friends said to stick out for a tall guy.We have been married for quite a while now and have a few children.Obviously on the wedding day it was a nightmare as i had to stand on something to make me abit taller.I did wear shoes with a lift in them as well but the photographers found it difficult getting a decent picture with both of us in it.Since marrying i had managed to get my own solicitors company and my wife started working for me.Then it just took off and ir has been non stop so it wasnt for my money that my wife loved me.It took about 5 years to get going really well and it is still going strong.I had more trouble trying to attract a short woman they just didnt want to know they always said that they wanted a nice tall guy.I still see some of these woman around now and they are just stuck in a rutt with no partner so it serves them right hey.I found it hardest getting the respect of my workers but in the end everything worked out for me.has for the children all have been lucky to get their mum’s height and i am still the shortest in my family.So no change there hey never mind..

  22. Graham said,

    September 5, 2009 @ 1:15 pm

    Asinine topic. Men on average are taller than women. Naturally we are used to seeing men a few inches, ie noticeably, taller than their partners. That hardly creates a ’should’ out of what is more common. (Any more than being gay or redheaded is not ‘normal’ because it is uncommon). What seems odd about the photo is the huge discrepancy: generally people mate with people of roughly similar body types. Show a picture of 6′3″ gent and 5′0″ lady and it’ll look a bit comic.

  23. Tiana said,

    October 28, 2009 @ 3:26 pm

    i don’t consider myself that tall at 5′7, but at times i do feel tall. that is because most women are shorter here in NYC, being ethnic minorities many Latinas and Asians, Indians etc. are taller, however there is no shortage of tall girls here either. Here’s the thing about when i notice im the tallest person around, i start to feel well.. big. not to say i’m always thinking like this.b ut i generally don’t want to be the tallest person around especially if the room is full of guys. yet that is sometimes the case.

    in principal as Rod said women want a larger man. It’s nice to have a man be a bit bigger than you since men are “generallly” somewhat bigger than women. I do not want to feel large and clumsy. My current bf is 6′2 and he goes on and on about how tall i am. His previous girlfriends were rather short, now we have 7′ inches between us which to me is perfect, but for him we are a tall couple. I like my height, its not too tall or too short. I would date a shorter man i have, only by about 2 inches or so, it didnt make a big difference, i really don’t even think about it, but in principal for whatever reason i prefer the man to be taller than me.

    We can’t reprogram our primordial brains to fit the “PC” mold of today’s society. Some tthings just ring true, women in general want to be smaller than men, feminine, they are nurturers. Men- bigger, hairy, providers, etc. What’s wrong with that.

  24. Frank said,

    March 19, 2010 @ 3:55 pm

    This thread is old but yea , i think it should not be a matter if guy is shorter. Picture looks funny because the height difference between those 2 is huge. There should be least 10 inches different.

    My gril friend is 3 inches taller than me and i never feel bad around her. Sometimes she wear high heels and got even taller but i have no worry about how i look to others.

    In my opinion, in a modenr world, it should nto be matter if girl is taller or not. At the end, a male will be much more stronger than a woman even they are shorther.


  25. Ryan said,

    March 27, 2010 @ 2:23 pm

    Ive just turned 18 and only 4′10, so dating a shorter girl is near impossible unless the girl is about 12.

    Also dating a girl arround my height or a little taller would be ideal for me, as I do get imtimidated by girls a lot taller than me, but have got used to it a bit, as now just about all my friends are girls.
    Only ever had two girlfriends, the first one was arround 5′9.
    My current girlfriend of 4 years however is just over 6ft (think she’s 6′2), nearll 25, and she towers over me. She’s a kickboxer and has been for 11 years and she’s a model as well. She also does a bit of S & M work as a dominator.

    I must admit tho, she does intimidate the hell out of me, plus she lives in 6 inch platform heels and she is also the dominant one in the relationship. But she loves me to bits and I love her to bits.

    The only issue is that sometimes she wears 8 inch heeled pleaser thigh high boots on a night out with the girls and me. My head only came up to her waist.

    Hight really doesn’t matter that much.

  26. Jessie Matthews said,

    April 10, 2010 @ 4:00 pm

    I know alot of women dont want to know a short guy.I have tried bagging a short women but no chance.In the end i just got fed up and let things happen.Obviously it took a while but i bagged a lovely women in the end.Coming from a shortish family i knew what i was destined to be has i saw my dad struggle with getting on in life.My dad is a marvellous man he is 5′3 tall while my mum is 5′0.I have a sister who is 30 now and she is 5′4 she is the tallest.I just put it down to her being the oldest she also loves wearing high heels to give her more height.I am 28 now and i only managed a height of 4′10.I had some good friends at school who stepped in if i had any trouble.The short girls at school would always just give me the brush off and i had to carry on.My prom date was a girl who was 5′6 she accepted straight away and we had a good time.Some people made snide remarks about my height and her height we just took no notice.I met a wonderful woman at work and she at first let me down lightly.We then started hanging out together and got on like a house on fire.Maybe some guys would be put off by being with a taller woman but not me.Her height was around 5′7 and at the start we would make meals for eachother.After a couple of years she moved in with me and it stayed fine.She was always very apologetic if she put something away and it was too high.It wouldnt annoy me but Julianne had to come in when i couldnt reach something so now we have lower cupboards.I even thought that a step stool would come in handy which it does.We now have a son who is 10 and he is struggling to gain height he is under height.Whereas our daughter who is 6 is already his height and he is getting very stroppy with it.We are trying to help me to counter out his anger and accept what height he will be and work with it.He gets in trouble at school and been in fights when people make jokes of his height.We are hoping everything works out for him and he does get taller that may calm him down.Me i just look lovingly upwards in my wifes adoring eyes and i fully appreciate what i have and look forward to life with my family.

  27. Tallulah said,

    April 16, 2010 @ 7:58 pm

    I am totally in love with man who I think is about 1 or 2 inches shorter than me. My previous boyfriend was 6ft 6 and the father of my children was 6ft 2. I have boyfriends of various heights some a couple of inches shorter than me. I would without question marry this person as he has all the qualities that I want AND if circumstances allowed I would have his children. He is strong, very fit, gorgeous looking and is a woman magnet. Women fall over themselves over him. The intimacy I have with him is transcendental and moves me to tears every time. It was his personality, sexual compatibility, intensity and intelligence which attracted me to him and his height didn’t come into it. HOWEVER, before I met him if I was asked what height I was looking for ideally I would say 6ft 2 and above, but in reality I have been attracted to people shorter. The pre-programming I think is there, but it is not as relevant anymore and other parts of me over-ride this. Although I am a bit of an amozonian, I have never met a guy that was physically weaker than me. Tall doesn’t mean strong, but it does mean fast, so when I see an attractive shorter man, I never associate him with weakness.

    I am noticing couples where women are taller than the men and to be honest I think it is really lovely. It just shows how much these people like each other, that they don’t give a damn what other people think. It makes me smile in a nice way when I see it. When the height difference is really big people notice it more, but ultimately its not about other people is it.

    I do think that if a shorter guy is with a tall hot babe, men perceive him as a damn lucky so and so a lot of the time. Many powerful men have taller women as girlfriends or wives and some men who are not famous dig long legs way too much for height to be a deal breaker. The other thing is too, that although the 6ft 2 father of my children had a large you know what the guy Im with now is huge. The 6ft 6 guy was much smaller so some short guys are really well hung. Sorry to bring that into it, but speaking plainly, that part of a man is really important and if he has that going on the height thing becomes even more irrelevant. In fact being challenged in the trouser department is more of an issue than height I think.

    Sorry if I have offended anyone by mentioning the above, but we women think about these things.

  28. Rod said,

    April 17, 2010 @ 9:25 am

    thanks for the comment and welcome to the site.
    I think your comment just goes to show that it’s all about finding the right person - should anybody be lucky enough to do that then everything else is trivia - you’ve got all everything !
    Thanks, regards and best of luck

  29. Terri said,

    September 17, 2011 @ 2:36 am

    I was married to a 1 inch shorter than me. From the moment We got married and I put on heels he had fits. I stopped wearing heels, but some shoes just made me taller I couldn’t win.
    We were married 30years til he found a younger shorter woman. I loved him. We had worked hard saved hard and had plan early retirement. We split everything. I still have all mine. He is broke and will never be able to retired. I personally believe that a shorter man and a taller woman makes for a powerfull man. Until that power goes to his head. I do believe he had major issues of believing a taller man and shorter woman makes him looks taller. But I belive I made him look taller. Now he just looks shorter with her. But he bought her married her and she taking him to the bank….. For some reason shorter men are just attracted to me. I don’t have a problem with it.

  30. passerby said,

    July 8, 2012 @ 6:47 am

    Fun topic. With 7 Billion people in the world its bound to happen and the reality is that it is up to the viewer to interpret not the people with the height difference. Go back and look at those old great great great grandparents photos Some pretty tall ladies. Remember that the tall man short woman stereo-type was blessed by hollywood long ago. It was developed to create a helpless/hopeless woman and a hero ( the tall guy) I find the reference to Neanderthal as rather interesting. The height of the caveman or Neanderthal was actally 5 to 6 feet. Same as today. I wonder if they ever discussed this topic.

  31. Kiwi said,

    December 7, 2012 @ 12:27 pm

    I just want to thank everyone as this forum has literally changed the way I think about things.

    I am 5′10 and have always been insecure with my height as growing up, I was always taller than the guys.

    I have met this great guy who is 5′9 and I thought that my insecurities were that strong that I didn’t want to have a relationship with him.

    Obviously I am the only one with the issue, as the bottom line is, if you really like someone, why would height matter?!

    Thanks again as I just cant express how this is huge weight off my shoulders :)

  32. v said,

    December 7, 2012 @ 3:40 pm

    All that matters is the love that you share.

    If people make each other happy, care , have fun and can be themselves together then surely it doesn’t matter what age, height, gender, religion, politics, race they are.

    If you love someone , your differences don’t matter.

    kiwi, I hope you are happy together.

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